I’m going to introduce a new concept here that will affect how I rate films. It’s called the “Walken.” Look at a Walken like an x-factor. I’ve aptly named it a Walken because often if you see a film and it has Christopher Walken in it, it’s immediately more interesting than one without. He just makes things better. Is True Romance at all memorable if Christopher Walken isn’t in it? No. Who is involved in arguably the funniest SNL skit of all time? You guessed it — Christopher Walken (and if you don’t know what skit I’m talking about, I reject you as a reader of this site.)
Joe Dirt? Ok, that’s already an awesome film. But Christopher Walken just makes it that much better. Mousehunt? Really? Mousehunt? I’m going there? Yes, I am. Walken plays an eccentric exterminator who goes insane trying to catch a mouse, but ultimately fails. He sniffs excrement. He talks into a tape recorder like he’s profiling a serial killer. You can’t make this stuff up. Shit, actually you can. Who else can play that role but Christopher Walken? No one else makes it memorable. NO ONE. And if you try to tell yourself otherwise, you’re an idiot. I’m sorry, that’s just the way it is.
So I hope you get the point. If you don’t, then you simply need more Walken in your life. But that’s what I am here for. And this is exactly why I’ve created the Walken factor. So how will I implement this into reviews? Well, to start, Walkens won’t come easy. The basic criteria is to ask yourself, if I removed this character/aspect from the film, how is it affected? Would I watch this again simply because of how many Walkens it has?
Finally, a film can receive a maximum of 10 Walkens. But again, it’s not that simple, and just because a film doesn’t have any Walkens, doesn’t mean it’s not good. Many won’t.
Let’s take Bad Lieutenant with The Cage. I think it’s pretty obvious who gets credit for Walkens here. And for my inaugural Walken assignment, I’ve decided to award Nicholas Cage 5 Walkens. You take out Cage’s performance and you’ve got such a mudane, run of the mill, detective story. But Cage is out of his mind and it’s awesome. I also think it’s appropriate that I’ve chosen Cage to receive the inaugural Walken rating because a point could be made for this system to be named after Cage himself. He’s just as crazy as Walken, does just as many bad movies, and is equally as awesome in as many bad movies as good. You may not agree, but this is my site and I make the rules.
Congratulations, Nicholas Cage, on your reception of 5 Walkens.